If you’ve been blaming a lack of motivation or willpower for why you can’t get healthy, this changes everything. After 20+ years as a clinician, here’s what I know about what actually drives change.
The Complaint I Hear Most
For decades, I have sat across from clients who say some version of the same thing:
- “I just can’t seem to get motivated.”
- “I had the right mindset for a few weeks, and then I lost it.”
- “My willpower is just terrible.”
- “Other people seem to have this figured out. What’s wrong with me?”
I will be honest with you: I bought into this framework for a long time too. Mindset. Motivation. Willpower. These words carry enormous weight in the wellness world, and for good reason. They feel true. They feel explanatory.
The problem is, they’re keeping you stuck.
The Victim Trap
When we frame mindset, motivation, and willpower as things we either have or don’t have, we make ourselves passive. We become people waiting on something to arrive from the outside. We turn these abstract concepts into almost mythological forces — out there somewhere, possessed generously by other people, rationed stingily to us.
Why don’t I have more willpower? Why did my motivation leave after the holidays? Why do other people seem to have a mindset I can’t sustain?
This line of thinking feels like self-reflection. It is actually a trap.
What 20+ Years in the Clinic Taught Me
After two decades as both a registered dietitian and therapist, and because of my own personal commitment to learning and growth, my entire understanding of how change works has shifted.
When a client tells me they’re waiting for motivation, I tell them what I know to be true from both clinical research and lived practice:
Action and effort always precede shifts in mental states.
Motivation does not come first. It follows action. Mindset does not click into place before you begin. It builds through the repetition of showing up. Willpower is not a faucet that gets turned on. It is a muscle developed through consistent practice.
The chicken-and-egg question — what comes first, the right mindset or the action — has a definitive answer. Action. Every time.
What To Say Instead
I want you to retire three words from your vocabulary: mindset, motivation, and willpower. Not because they are irrelevant, but because using them as excuses keeps you from moving.
Replace them with words that have zero emotional dependency:
- Habit — a behavior so routine it runs on autopilot
- Routine — the structure that holds your habits in place
- Strategy — the plan that removes decision fatigue
- Diligence — consistent effort regardless of feeling
- Grit — showing up when it is hard
- Action first — move before you feel ready
- Momentum — the energy built by doing, not waiting
- Restraint — the discipline to stay the course
These words describe behavior. They are things you do, not things you feel. That is a meaningful distinction.
The Days You Don’t Feel Like It Are the Ones That Matter Most
The gap between people who achieve their health goals and people who don’t is not motivation. It is what they do on the days they do not feel like it.
When the alarm goes off and you don’t want to get up. When it’s been a hard week and the couch is calling. When vacation threw off your routine and re-entry feels impossible.
Those are the days that define your trajectory. Not the days you feel inspired.
Here’s the reward: if you show up with habit and strategy and grit consistently enough, motivation and willpower will likely follow. They become byproducts of action rather than prerequisites for it. But you cannot count on them showing up first.
How We Work on This at The Pointe
At The Pointe, I work with burned-out adults — especially those in caregiving roles who are watching their health erode day by day — to build the structure, accountability, and realistic habits that make action possible, even on the hard days.
We take BCBS PPO and United Healthcare, and most patients pay $0 out of pocket.
If you are ready to stop waiting and start moving, We would love to help.
